frustrated

So I lost over 10 lbs in the last 3 weeks and I have no clue where I lost it from. I look at 10 lbs as one of those huge sacks of potatoes. I hate carrying them and I'm relieved to have lost a giant sack of potatoes but you would think you would notice losing something that heavy. I look in the mirror and don't see it. My clothes don't fit any differently. It's frustrating and upsetting.

Exercise is going good and I'm sticking to plan with my diet. My only fallback is that I don't really have an appetite so I'm forcing food in me and some days I believe I fall pretty short of my 1200 calories.

I'm still an emotional mess. I keep telling myself this is for the better of my family but I really just miss him. I am having a difficult time sleeping at night. He stopped by last night at 11:30. Yes that late. I was laying on the couch. Aiden had been asleep for nearly 2 hours by then and he had to know that. My mom and friend seem to think he showed up because he wanted to see me (which makes me feel good and bad...good because I want to be missed and bad because shouldn't his priority be to see his son?). I think that he was just curious to know if I filed the petition for child support because it was one of the first things he asked. He took a soda from the frige (which was his anyway since they were bought for him and I don't drink it anymore nor do I allow the kids to drink it). He asked briefly about Aiden and then out the door he went. I feel like he was using me. He rode his bike from his parents to I believe his friends house so I think he was just thirsty and my house was the halfway point. He has no job so he has no money so it's not like he can buy himself a drink.

I'm more focused on my weightloss and exercise without him around especially since he was always trying to sabatoge my efforts, but it still doesn't erase the fact that I'm heart broken that things ended up this way. I love him. I do. I just can't keep living in his insane bipolar universe. Im hoping that next year I will be able to move to NC and be near my family (the only family I have here is my father) and get a fresh start in my new body.